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I have prayed the Divine Office for many years. [...] When I discovered this app, all of my concerns of ribbon placement were gone. Having the Divine Office on my phone is absolutely the best thing ever! The sense of community is so wonderful as I see how many others are praying at the same time as myself. [...] Now I don’t need to turn a lamp on as I use to when I used the Office printed volumes. It is such a blessing to have the Divine Office in my pocket. Many times I’ve been sitting in a doctor’s waiting room at the time of Mid Morning prayer. It is so calming of any worries to pull out my phone, open the app, and be able to connect with Our Lord at those times I need Him most. I don’t use the audio version much but the few times I’ve traveled, it is so comforting to not have to skip the Office in order to keep my hands on the steering wheel and my eyes in the road. I recommend this app to friends all the time, especially to those who’d like to pray the Office but feel intimidated by the size of the printed version and getting the ribbons placed properly. Thank you for developing this app. It is my constant companion.
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I have only been introduced to the divine office prayers two times before I downloaded this app. It is laid out in a way that is very easy to understand, and there is an audio option that will say all of the prayers. There is an option to set reminders throughout the day. I got this because, I didn’t really know how to say the divine office, and I didn’t know what prayer books I needed to purchase to begin. During the shutting down of churches for covid :( this has been a wonderful resource. One cool feature is that you can tap on the “in prayer” link and see little specks of light around the globe lighting up in the area that someone else is praying. It’s so cool to see everyone praying with you and is a powerful reminder that we are all connected and unified in Christ’s mystical body.
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Andrea, as someone who has been there, may I suggest medication.I was once feeling like you are and during my rosary, Mother Mary told me to go to my doctor and ask for antidepressants. I trusted her and it made all the difference in the world. Would you please talk to your doctor?
I too, remember a time when I thought as you did. Depression was a black fog which made me want to die. Of course, I was an atheist back then, and life was truly meaningless aside from worldly pleasure.Once I turned to God, God did eventually heal me of my depression, although it was a gradual process over the course of over 6 years. I am now a seminarian, and the main reason I feel called to be a priest is to help those who are in despair, for I remember the world wanting to burn. I will give you some advice which has been helpful for me. I pray to God that my words will help you.Please do not focus any more on the evil of the world. Quit the internet temporarily if you have to. Evil is powerful and everywhere, yes. The rich oppress the poor. Yes. It has always been so. There is nothing new under the sun. But consider this: The prosperity of the wicked is a great punishment. There is almost no chance of repentance for them as long as they remain content in their evil deeds, and they will grow ever more bold in committing evil. They are heaping up their punishment in the afterlife like a mountain. either in purgatory if they repent, or in hell if they don’t.If you can, do not stew alone in your room, as it doesn’t seem to be helping you at all. Instead go sit in a silent and empty (catholic) church and continually pour out your heart to God, begging God for mercy for yourself and for all similarly suffering people. What you need is healing, and to be with your savior, who is God. This is your top priority.Our God is a righteous God. God is infinitely more powerful than all the evil in the world. Ignore the world, and focus all your attention on Jesus on the cross. For he demonstrates his infinite love for us on the cross. Think continually on every blessing God has ever given you. Physical health? A loving mother? Shelter? Food?Thus far you have continually asked God for death. I have done the same in the past. But God wants us to be joyful in a loving relationship with Him. Remember the passage: “Seek and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you.” Instead of repeating “Kill me.”, replace it with “Save me. Forgive me. Only you can save me. Help me trust in you.” Constantly repeat this. Why not ask God to make your heart burn for love of God and for your neighbor? Why not ask God to save you from your miseries? Ask God for help in thinking of Him constantly, and to ignore worldly news. Ask God for help in focusing on what is good and ignoring what is evil. Ask God to purge whatever is in your heart which is displeasing to God. I asked these things for years, and it still took years for God to heal me, and still I am not fully healed, but life is so much better now than it was.Call upon the Virgin mary and St. Joseph to pray for you and intercede for you. Imagine yourself as a little toddler who is asking them to take one hand each and gently lead you to Jesus on the cross. Imagine that you are a toddler, and Jesus is picking you up with open arms and taking you around a sunny meadow in heaven with laughter and joy. If you are in a pit and can only imagine darkness, imagine that you are hanging above a dark cliff, and you are clinging will all your might to the legs of Jesus that he will rescue you and set you down on safe ground. Refuse to let him go until he blesses you like jacob did when he wrestled with God.Again, focus constantly on Jesus. I will give you some things to ponder on the love of God for you and for me: Let us contemplate Jesus during the Carrying of the Cross. The pains of Jesus were excessive, yes, but was Jesus thinking of himself while he underwent his Passion? Was he not thinking of us? Was not his love burning within his heart? Did he not look upon his persecutors with sorrow and tears in his eyes, because of his infinite love for them? Was he not continually interceding for us? He sees in all humans the potential for sainthood, and yet so many of us remain chained and mired in our sin, for we are ignorant of the love and mercy of God. And so Jesus weeps at the misery of our collective blindness. Let us ask God for patience in our trials, that we may contemplate his love for us during his tortures, that we may be strengthen by his own example in our struggles.Let us now contemplate Jesus during the Crucifixion. He hangs on the cross as if to say, Behold, what more can I do to demonstrate my love? My arms are continually open to receive you with boundless mercy. Do not flee and run away because you distrust the mercy and love of God. I wish to heal you of your afflictions, not to multiply them in anger. Let us ask God for the grace to immediately turn to God in all our afflictions, confident in his mercy, for we increase the pains of Jesus as we flee due to lack of trust in His love and mercy. Let us keep in mind that we also multiply our guilt, our sorrows, our chains, and our burdens as we delay going back to the source of our happiness.Let us contemplate Jesus in the Eucharist. Jesus wished to be with us so badly, that even when he saw in advance all the sacrileges that would occur, Jesus still instituted this Divine sacrament. How alone he must feel, in cold, hot, and cramped tabernacles throughout the world, night and day. But he accepts all this so that he may be with us during mass. Let us consider how much it must pain Jesus when he sees those he loves pass him by, not recognizing their savior. How much it must pain Jesus to see catholics neglect mass. Even for those to attend, some rarely or never remember to thank God for coming to them in this sacrament, only continually asking for benefits, and never giving thanks for favors received. Some receive him unworthily out of ignorance or fear of the judgment of others… others use their tongues to tear apart their neighbor’s reputation with gossip, slander, and criticism soon after receiving Jesus on it… others steal him and torture him later out of malice, but still, he continues to come to us through the appearance of bread and wine, that we may be filled with his love and his graces. Let us ask God for an increase in our gratitude for so great a sacrament.Lastly, how are we to love God and love our neighbor? Is it not by being first filled with the love of God? We cannot generate such a love by ourselves. The knowledge that God loves us must penetrate the inmost recesses of our heart. Once we continually meditate on the fact that God loves us, we will be able to slowly absorb the love that God continually pours down upon us. Once the love that God pours into our hearts spills over, it is only a natural consequence that we will be able to radiate love back to God and to our neighbor. Let us ask God for an increased awareness of how much we are loved by God, that we may respond in kind and love him back along with our neighbor.There is hope. You are alive, thus you can pray. You are loved by God, and God has not abandoned you. I will pray for you as well. Feel free to reach out if you want. I am always ready to help those who are mentally suffering. I did not know why God put me through such hell, but later I saw that it was necessary to increase my empathy, mercy, and compassion for those who are suffering. So God, in his infinite power, can indeed turn pain and suffering into good. Just as a former addict can truly help active addicts break free from their chains.
Hello Junseob. Thank you for your heartfelt response. First of all, I pray that your time as a seminarian will be fruitful. It is a noble vocation to take. May I ask what made you go from an atheist to a seminarian? In the spiritual state I am in, I could not even begin to imagine going into such a vocation. Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for your prayers as well, Andrea. What made me go from an atheist to a seminarian? Well, first of all, after years of self-hatred and depression, one night I cried out to God in a moment of desperation to give me humility. The very next day, something made me pick up my believing aunt’s Divine Mercy in My Soul book by Saint Faustina. I read that thing in like 3 days, and I was completely converted on the spot.After that, it was a multi-year long journey of diving into the Catholic faith and learning everything I could about it. I read about the lives of the saints, I read writings written by the saints, and I tried various methods of prayer. But my life was still very sinful, and I was going to confession probably weekly, if not more often. I fell into old habits of mortal sin and despair. I kept asking God for help, and I got it, but it was temporary. I asked God to heal me once and for all, and I never got it. I know that I will always be tempted, but God permits my temptations to keep me humble and dependent on God and not on myself.Over time, God demonstrated his mercy to me again and again. Eventually my trust in God started to rise. Over time, my depression lifted bit by bit, until I can say that God has healed me from perpetual depression. Although I still have very low days, they are rare. The healing from persistent depression probably took about 5-6 years after my conversion. When my depression started to noticeably improve, I started thinking that more people need to know about God, because if God could heal a hopeless wretch like me, then he could heal others.I thought of my life as an engineer, and the only way I could think of helping others was to make a lot of money and give it away to the poor, but that isn’t necessarily helping them heal mentally and get closer to Jesus. I started imagining myself as a priest and giving confession and hope and healing to the broken hearted by leading them to Jesus. If I could improve the mental state and spiritual state of others by providing words of blessing, encouragement, and comfort, then that (to me) is among the most meaningful work that I can imagine doing.In the beginning, this desire was a burning, raging fire in my heart, but now my desire has transformed into a soothing river of clear water. I have found God more readily in peace and tranquility rather than restlessness and worries. If in the past I wanted to become a priest at all costs, now I am indifferent whether I become a priest or not. What I want to be is a peaceful man who is close to Christ, and whether or not God desires that I become a priest is secondary to my relationship with Him.I have recently been besieged with restless thoughts and worries. My productivity has gone down the drain. In response, since I am getting nothing done anyway, I am picking up the habit of taking long walks in silence during the nighttime, as the seminary is very safe. When I go back home for the holidays, my neighborhood isn’t very safe, so I will have to content myself with either sitting at our balcony or sitting in the car for peace and quiet. It is something I recommend to you. During these walks, do not use any electronics. Either stay silent, or pray to God in your heart or out loud in your own words, pouring out your heart.Another possible method to cultivate peace is the following: when breathing in, say “Jesus”, and when breathing out, say “Mercy”. Do it at a comfortably slow and relaxed pace. I sometimes say, “Jesus (on inhale), mercy (on exhale), mary (on inhale), mercy (on exhale), st. joseph (on inhale), mercy (on exhale)”.. and repeat.May God bless you.
Trust in God. He loves you.
Your life is sacred to God and you have a special mission on earth. Please consider your usefulness, your importance to the Divine Plan, even if it is unclear to you. God bless you.
Do you believe everyone has a special mission or place in the Divine Plan? I apologize if me questioning this is heretical, I just am in such a horrible place spiritually. I am no one special at all. I’m nothing more than a piece of dirt. Do you know what your mission is and, if so, how did you discern it?
Andrea, I promise that God loves you. And this community cares about you. Please know our prayers for you, and please please get yourself some help from a professional. You are 100 percent precious to God — if you were the only sinner in need of redemption, He still would’ve come down from Heaven, suffered and died on the cross for YOU alone. God bless you and I will pray for you.